I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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