idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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