So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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