lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
