I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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