Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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