your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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