My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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