Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
