I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You may now shotgun with the bride
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
