Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
