that's an acceptable place to lick
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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