i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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