I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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