we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize