My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
