I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
