I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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