My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
