I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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