I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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