I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
