I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
