that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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