Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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