I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
