Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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