sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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