I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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