never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious