I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?