Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.