his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.