btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
