I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize