There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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