we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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