Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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