You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
