franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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