I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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