Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I supernannyed him into submission
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
