Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize