So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
