she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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