do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon