i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks