4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.