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dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
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