She's JV to your varsity
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick