If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
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Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside