Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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