Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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