My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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