Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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