i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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