ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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