Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
